Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Review: Beauty Queens

"The fifty contestants in the Miss Teen Dream pageant thought this was going to be a fun trip to the beach, where they could parade in their state-appropriate costumes and compete in front of the cameras. But sadly, their airplane had another idea, crashing on a desert island and leaving the survivors stranded with little food, little water, and practically no eyeliner.
What's a beauty queen to do? Continue to practice for the talent portion of the program - or wrestle snakes to the ground? Get a perfect tan - or learn to run wild? And what should happen when the sexy pirates show up?

Welcome to the heart of non-exfoliated darkness." 

Publisher: Scholastic Press
Release Date: May 24, 2011
Page Count: 396
Unique Elements: The Corporation interrupts the book to bring you delightful commercials
Favorite Quotes: 

"Lady 'Stache Off. Because there's nothing wrong with you...that can't be fixed."

"My platform's called Don't Even Think About It. I go into schools and I say, 'Whatever bad thing it is you're thinking of doing, don't even think about it. 'Cause I can see into your soul, and I will hide in your closet and come for you in the night, and the last sound you ever hear will be my sharp teeth popping through the flesh of my gums, ready to eat you.' Their eyes get all big. It's awesome. I love little kids, man. They're the cutest."

"Wanna rock you, girl, with a butterfly tunic./No I'm not gay, I'm just your emo eunuch...Let those other guys keep sexing./You and me, we be texting/ 'bout unicorns and rainbows and our perfect love./Girl, we fit together like a hand in a glove./Now I don't mean that nasty, tell your mom don't get mad./I even wrote 'You're awesome' on your maxi pads."

"Issuing this voluntary recall shows how much we care, and it is hard to dislike or take legal action against those who really care...If you purchased a Git R Done 447, please do not fire the weapon. Do not exhale or laugh within a five-foot radius of the will receive a discount on the purchase of The Corporation's Home Weapon Containment Robot."

"Together, the sisters had sailed out over the creek on a tire swing tied to a fat tree limb by a knotted fist of rope. One Thursday in March, the circus had come to Humble, Humble, Nebraska, like a rogue spring wind, the kind that kicks pollen into the air and sends the shoots up too early."

I finished this book a week ago. Normally I don't have motivation to write a review after that long, but this book was so funny and memorable! I can't remember laughing so many times with one novel. Libba Bray has such a sense of humor, and I will now proceed to get every other book by her. She is the master of the freaky dream sequence.

Stranded beauty queens. Hot pirates from a widely acclaimed soap opera. Secret agents. Boy bands. Ginormous people-swallowing snakes. Evil plotting dictator whose best friend has been stuffed by the taxidermist. Girls with attitude, and girls obsessed with continuing to practice for a pageant (who would have thought it'd be Miss Texas??), even when they should be building shelters and looking for food. Anything you've ever wanted to make fun of about the 21st century, this book has (and some things you've never thought of).

The dialogue makes this book a success.  Each character's personality is developed after just a few instances of speech.

Every reader will find a character to connect with: there's Adina, the chick with a brain; Mary Lou, the wild girl trying not to follow in her sister's unfortunate footsteps; Jennifer, the juvenile delinquent who was really second runner up; Sosie, who's deaf; Petra, who can't survive without her medicine; Nicole, whose mom lives vicariously through her; Shanti, the Indian girl known for being able to make popadam like her mom and grandma...and there's a whole cast of guys too! 

Oh, and Miss New Mexico has a meal tray lodged in her forehead the whole book-- that's pretty cool. 

Final Verdict: If you want a good laugh about the ridiculousness of pop culture, run, don't walk, to the nearest bookstore for a copy of Beauty Queens.